Unrequited.

As we read this, let's pretend that these are the exclamations of passion by a fictional being in a handwritten letter addressed to the subject of their desire.

11/30/2020 - TEN DAYS TIL YOU GO -

Hey you,

I don't know when you will read this, but I know it will be after you've hit the road to California. First, I just want to say how excited I am for you in this new life!!! I am so proud of you for getting here!!!! I wish I had the confidence to do what you are doing...Maybe one day. :)

I just wanted to give you this card because when I found it I started cryin in the store because that is truly all I want for you...to enjoy the journey. I can't wait to see all of the great things that are waiting in your future! Although my heart continues to ache the further you get from me, my LOVE for you hasn't stopped!!!

Speaking of loving you, wanna know the first time I knew I was ready to tell you I love you? It was right after we took a break & were finally seeing each other again. I had finally realized that I just needed to say it so we could maybe figure out what we were doing.

Anyway, we were on a date at Duckworths, eatin snacks, and right as I was about to open my mouth you said "oh there is something I need to tell you". For a second I thought you were about to tell me that we shouldn't keep seeing each other. But nope that wasn't it. You said "soo...my brother got a job in California. I'm gonna be moving soon." It wasn't what I expected but it was somehow just as hard to hear. In that moment, I knew I couldn't say what I wanted to say. I didn't want to be anything but supportive of you. I didn't want my love to feel like something holding you back.

Ever since that moment, I have been holding my tongue; to not add pressure, to not change your vision, to not be selfish. In fact, I have loved you selflessly - if I do say so myself.

12/1/2020 - NINE DAYS TIL YOU GO -

I fell asleep writing last night hehe. But anyway...I guess I kind of just want to tell you the things about you that I am and will always be grateful for.

1. Your patience- I know I am not always an easy person to be with. I am not always cooperative with allowing someone to know me. But you have helped me do that with you. Your constant reminding & encouraging that I can always talk to you. Like that one time I couldn't find the words and you said "It's okay, I'll get it out of you in the morning." I have grown so much in my communication through being with you. Thank you for that. No one has ever shown me so much patience.

2. Your lack of judgement- You have seen many sides of me and you have not once made me feel judged or uncomfortable. You've made me feel like a regular person & not out of place like I have felt my whole life. You took my dysfunction and turned it into something that is manageable. Thank you for truly & completely SEEING me.

3. Your EFFORT: Oh my sweet pea, I have been head over heels for you since the first month we spent time together. *I obviously didn't tell you that because I didn't want to scare you away.* And it certainly wasn't easy for us in the beginning. You didn't want to let me in, to let me see you, to let me love you. But damn dude...look at us now. You never walked away. I am just so amazed at your true genuine growth over the last year and a half. You have blossomed into something beyond my wildest dreams. L - U - C - K - Y ME!!!!

12/3/2020 - SEVEN DAYS UNTIL YOU GO -

Wow...seven days before you move thousands of miles away. Seven days. No amount of time with you is enough. I could sit by you for eternity. You best believe I would if I could. Without you, time moves too quickly. But with you, its like a day lasts forever and I am so grateful for that. I know that earlier in this note I was writing a list of the things about you that I am grateful for. But I realized that this note would be never ending if I kept doing that. You are everything to me. I truly thought that I would never feel safe with a significant other again. I thought that I would be on my own for a long time. But saying that I feel safe with you is an understatement. When you are around, it feels like nothing could hurt me again. You make me feel like nobody would touch me again. The fact that sleeping next to you silences my nightmares is enough for me to know that there will never be another person in my life like you. I don't even want there to be another. All I ever want is you & your love.

12/5/2020 - FIVE DAYS BEFORE YOU GO-

So I know I asked you yesterday at breakfast what you felt about us after you left. I know you said you hadn't thought about it. But to be honest, I have been thinking about it a lot. I love you so much and I would've moved with you if that was part of your vision. <--- That isn't me asking ok I'm just sayin how I feel. BUT since you are going and I am staying, I just want you to know how I feel...I would do anything to make distance with you work. I would travel to see you anytime I possibly could. I would call you every day to keep our connection strong. I've said that I would do anything for you and I really mean that.

That being said...here's what else I would do for you. I would let you go & experience other things in your new home if that is what you wanted. I would be happy for you as long as you were also happy. No matter what, you, I just want you to always be a part of my life in whatever way you want; as friends who check in with each other sometimes, as friends who talk often, as partners who are together, or however you might want. I do hope that you think about it & we talk again before you leave. But either way, I think it is important for you to know how I really feel. We can of course take it one day at a time. Whatever is meant to happen will happen.

12/9/2020 - LESS THAN 24 HOURS BEFORE YOU GO -

I've spent the majority of the last four days with you and I can't really believe that tomorrow is the day you leave. I know you're ready to go and I am so excited for you. I can't lie...I am nervous to be without you, without your safety, without your touch. I will do my best to be tough and strong for you. I know your love with still be with me when you're gone and I will find comfort in that. I have never loved someone the way that I love you. It is very real and reaches every inch of my body and soul. I don't know if I would have survived this year without your comfort and affections. Thank you for being with me and for never giving up on me. I remember every moment with you so vividly. From our first moment spent outside of work together, to our first intimate moment, to our first misunderstanding. Every moment was worth it and I wouldn't change a damn thing. I don't really know how to end this letter. I could write to you forever & still not be able to fully explain how I feel for you. I guess I will just end it by saying that you will always have my support behind you in anything you want to do in life. You will always be my greatest love and no matter what happens, I will love you for the rest of my life. I hope you always remember that and I also hope that one day you might see yourself the way I do.

You are EVERYTHING.

I love you.

& I MISS YOU ALREADY.

Be safe. Let me know when you've arrived...pretty plz

Forever

& always yours,

Princess Peach

01/30/2023